🚩 Tactical Memo 018: Using the 3 and 3 Method for Feedback

Read time: 6 minutes

Welcome to Tactical Memo, my newsletter where I share frameworks, strategies, and hard-earned lessons for leaders navigating complex environments.

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The Briefing: Today’s Focus

• Why Most Feedback Fails to Land

• The Rule: Feedback Only Works When It Is Simple and Repeatable

• A Tactical Playbook: The 3 and 3 Method for Feedback

• What’s Happening: General Updates

• A Reader’s Question: How to Give Tough Feedback Without Crushing Morale

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And here’s what Kathryn, from Alchemy Communications, had to say about her experience:

Why Most Feedback Frameworks Are Useless

Most managers screw up feedback in one of two ways:

• Too soft. They sugarcoat it with the “compliment sandwich,” which everyone sees through. The praise feels fake, the critique feels muted, and nothing changes.

• Too sloppy. They dump feedback in the moment, unstructured and emotional. The person feels attacked, not guided.

• Too vague. They say things like “you need to step up” or “be more strategic,” which sound profound but mean nothing.

Here is the truth: feedback is not therapy. It is not a motivational poster. It is a weapon for improvement.

If your feedback does not change behavior, it is useless.

The Rule: Feedback Only Works When It Is Simple, Blunt, and Repeatable

You do not need a 40-page HR guide to give feedback. You need a method you can use in a hallway conversation, a one-on-one, or a performance review without notes.

That is why I use the 3 and 3 method:

• Three things you are doing well.

• Three things you need to fix.

• No fluff. No filler. No hiding.

It is blunt enough to cut through excuses and balanced enough to avoid demoralizing people.

A Tactical Playbook: The 3 and 3 Method

Step 1. Prepare Like a Sniper, Not a Novelist

Most feedback fails before it starts because you ramble. Preparation solves that.

• Write down exactly six bullet points.

• Three positives: observable behaviors, not personality traits. “You saved the client meeting by reframing the pitch” is real. “You’re nice to work with” is useless.

• Three improvements: specific, tactical actions. “Stop saying yes to every request. Run them through me first.”

If you cannot name three on each side, you are not paying close enough attention.

Step 2. Lead With Strengths That Actually Matter

Skip the generic “good job” nonsense. People know when you are bluffing. Choose three things tied directly to results.

Example:

1. “You spot risks before anyone else.”

2. “You write summaries that save hours of debate.”

3. “You build trust with stakeholders who are normally hostile.”

When you highlight real impact, the person leans in because they feel seen.

Step 3. Drop the Three Improvements Without Padding

Most managers bury feedback in apologies. Stop. Deliver it clean:

1. “You send updates too late. I need them within 24 hours.”

2. “You avoid conflict in meetings. Start speaking up when you disagree.”

3. “You chase low-value work instead of finishing the high-value task I assigned.”

Short, direct, specific. You are not insulting them. You are giving them a blueprint.

Step 4. Anchor With a Clear Growth Plan

Close by locking in the six points as a growth plan:

• “Here’s the deal. Keep doing X, Y, and Z. Improve on A, B, and C. That is your development path this quarter.”

Now feedback is not a random opinion. It is a clear contract for performance.

Step 5. Repeat Until It Becomes Normal

Feedback only works if it is consistent. Run the 3 and 3 method every quarter, every project review, and even in informal one-on-ones.

At first, people will be shocked by the bluntness. Within months, they will crave it because it is fair, predictable, and useful.

Before We Get To The Next Reader’s Question, Let’s Talk About What’s Happening – General Updates

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The Briefing: Reader’s Question

Q: “I struggle with giving honest feedback because I hate the look on people’s faces when they hear something negative. I end up sugarcoating it, which I know doesn’t help, or avoiding it entirely until it’s too late. The problem is my team keeps repeating the same mistakes. How do I deliver feedback that’s blunt enough to drive change but not so harsh that people shut down?”

A: The reason your team keeps repeating mistakes is because they are not getting clarity. Sugarcoating is worse than silence because it convinces people they are fine when they are not.

Here is how I would fix it:

1. Set the Frame. Tell your team: “I will always give you three things you are doing well and three things you need to improve. That way it is never a surprise, and it is always fair.”

2. Deliver the 3 Positives First. Pick strengths tied to results. This builds confidence and lowers defenses.

3. Drop the 3 Improvements Bluntly. Use tactical language, not vague traits. “Be more proactive” is useless. “Flag risks in writing before Friday” is clear.

4. Check for Alignment. End with: “Which one of these three improvements do you want to tackle first?” That creates ownership.

5. Repeat Relentlessly. Do this every quarter. The consistency makes feedback feel normal, not personal.

The moment you stop sugarcoating and start using this frame, you will notice people relax. Why? Because they finally know the rules. They know exactly what they are doing well and exactly what they need to fix.

That is how feedback should feel: not emotional, not vague, but tactical.

Cheat Sheet Vault

p.s… As promised, click below for my free cheat sheet and infographic vault. I’ve added 5 new ones this week.

👉 Access the Vault Here

Until next time,
Justin

✍️ From the Desk of Justin Bateh, PhD
Real-world tactics. No fluff. Just what works.