🚩Tactical Memo 023: The Seven Principles of High Trust Candor

Read time: 4 minutes

Welcome to Tactical Memo, my newsletter where I share frameworks, strategies, and hard-earned lessons for leaders navigating complex environments.

If you’re looking for my cheat sheets and deep-dive guides, the vault is linked at the bottom of this email.

👉 Why Read This Edition: You will learn how to deliver direct, honest communication that builds trust instead of damaging it. These principles help you move work forward, reduce tension, and handle tough moments without losing influence.

The Briefing: Today’s Focus

• Why candor often fails

• The rule behind effective honesty

• Seven practical principles for candid communication

• A reader’s question on challenging others without creating friction

Why Candor Fails When Leaders Treat It Like a Weapon

I once worked with a project lead who proudly called himself “brutally honest.”

He believed bluntness was clarity.

Instead, he left damage everywhere he went. Stakeholders avoided him.

His team shut down in meetings. His projects constantly stalled.

The mistake was simple.

He treated candor like a weapon instead of a responsibility.

Real candor builds clarity. It does not create casualties.

When your delivery shuts people down, the message never lands.

Candor is not courage. Candor is discipline.

If your communication cannot be absorbed, it cannot be acted on.

The Rule: Candid Communication Starts Before You Speak

Before any direct conversation, ask yourself one question:

Am I saying this to help the work or to win the moment?

Every leader I have seen fail at candor went in wanting to prove a point.

Every leader who gets it right enters with the intention to make progress.

Intent shapes tone long before words appear.

If your motive is clean, your message is cleaner.

A Tactical Playbook: The Seven Principles of High Trust Candor

1. Start With Intent, Not Impact

I once coached an analyst who became defensive in every meeting.

Instead of criticizing him, I opened with, “My intent is to help you get more credibility in the room.”

His posture shifted. He was ready to hear the truth.

Intent creates safety. When people know you are trying to help, they stop bracing for impact.

Try this: Before any tough conversation, write one line. “My intent is to improve X, not to blame.” 

It changes your delivery immediately.

2. Lead With Curiosity

Curiosity turns confrontation into collaboration.

When two directors argued endlessly over a timeline, I paused them and asked, “Can I check my read? It sounds like you are solving different risks. What am I missing?”

The energy shifted.

They stopped arguing and started explaining.

A simple question reframed the entire moment.

Try this: Begin tough conversations with, “Can I share an observation?” or “Can I ask a quick question first?”

Curiosity reduces defensiveness instantly.

3. Be Specific, Not Vague

Vague feedback feels like character judgment.

Specific feedback feels like direction.

Telling someone “communicate better” is useless.

Telling them “start every update with the decision you need” creates immediate improvement.

Try this: Use the structure: What happened. Why it matters. What to change. 

This eliminates confusion and speeds up progress.

4. Name the Emotion, Not the Person

During one project session, a sponsor grew short and tense.

Instead of calling him defensive, I said, “I am sensing some frustration. Is it the timeline or the scope?”

He opened up immediately.

Naming the emotion acknowledges reality without blaming the person.

It keeps the conversation neutral.

Try this: Use phrases like “I notice” or “I am sensing” instead of “You are.”

It lowers the temperature of any tense moment.

5. Use the Iceberg Rule

Behavior is the surface. Pressure, fear, and past failures live underneath.

I once saw an engineer shut down every idea in a design meeting.

People thought he was stubborn.

He was actually scared of repeating a previous mistake that had hurt his reputation.

Once we understood that, his resistance made perfect sense and could be addressed directly.

Try this: After any difficult interaction, ask, “What might be driving this?”

You will respond with insight instead of emotion.

6. Normalize Feedback Loops

Cultures where feedback is rare turn every difficult conversation into a crisis.

I helped a leader shift from quarterly reviews to two minute check-ins.

He ended every key meeting with “One thing that worked. One thing we tighten.”

Within weeks, tension disappeared.

Frequent feedback removes fear. People stop dreading candor and start expecting it.

Try this: Add a two minute debrief to the end of any meaningful meeting.

Small loops build big trust.

7. Praise Publicly, Coach Privately

Public praise builds confidence. Private coaching builds trust.

When people feel valued in public, they can absorb direct feedback in private without feeling attacked.

In one cross-functional team, I praised an analyst’s work in front of executives.

His confidence grew. Two days later, I delivered firm feedback privately.

Because he felt respected, he took every word seriously and improved quickly.

Try this: In one on ones, open with recognition. Then move into improvement.

It creates balance and keeps people coachable.

What’s Happening

I am winding things down this month and putting all my energy into the next run of AI-Powered Project Management.

The last six months have been unreal.

107 students have completed the course, and we have over 60 reviews averaging 4.8 out of 5; it has also landed on Maven’s top ten trending courses.

When this November cohort is finished in a couple of weeks, I’ll take a break to rebuild and expand the course.

I am skipping December so I can add new lessons, new playbooks, better templates, and more real-world examples.

With that added value, the price will increase from $ 895 to $ 995 on January 1.

To secure the current price for the January cohort, enroll before the new year.

19 seats are already taken, and I will close enrollment after 11 more.

The Briefing: Reader’s Question

Q: “I need to give honest feedback to a peer who keeps missing deadlines. Every time I bring it up, he gets defensive or spends ten minutes explaining himself. How do I challenge him without making things worse?”

A: Here is the approach I use.

1. Anchor in shared goals.
   Say, “I want us to hit this deadline clean. Here is what I need from you.” This keeps the focus on the work, not the person.

2. Use observation, impact, request.
   Example: “The last two deliverables came in late. That pushed the entire sprint behind. I need your updates by end of day Thursday.”

3. Stay forward focused.
   Do not debate the past. Reset the frame: “I am focused on the next two weeks.”

4. Give them a path to win.
   Ask, “What would make this easier to deliver on time?” You are building partnership, not pressure.

Candor works when it is clear, neutral, and tied to shared outcomes.

When done right, it improves performance instead of creating conflict.

Cheat Sheet Vault

p.s… As promised, click below for my free cheat sheet and infographic vault.

👉 Access the Vault Here

Until next time,
Justin

✍️ From the Desk of Justin Bateh, PhD
Real-world tactics. No fluff. Just what works.